Fake coffee doesn’t go well with apple pie.

“Weaver, are you drinking… fake coffee?”

Yes.  Please let me explain — it isn’t as bad as it looks.

Fake coffee, a.k.a. that roasted-grain-and-chickory stuff.  Decaf isn’t fake coffee, just… well, decaf.  A necessity at times, because no caffeine means I can drink a lot more of it, and there are days when coffee is needed because one of my imaginary friends novel characters won’t talk to me — or anyone else — without a steady supply.  (This is why we had to import a small amount of real coffee from another universe and keep it in a stasis bubble for a hundred years or so — much more effective than vacuum-sealing, by the way — just to have it on hand when needed even though coffee bushes won’t grow here anymore since the Five-Day War…)

Um.  Yeah.  In case you’re new around here, you should know that the we in the above aside was Geoffrey (character in “that novel”), not me.  Just so you know.  I have a weird sense of humor, and speaking in fictional-person voice from time to time because I can is part of that.

Also, the fake-coffee thing could be worse.  I could be drinking hard apple cider.  However, I am trying to remind myself that there is a perfectly rational reason for my left leg to be hurting in the exact same spot where another imaginary friend novel character of mine once got injured by a piece of shrapnel… Correlation does not equal causation, and sometimes even cause-and-effect gets interpreted backwards from how it really is.

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About Thomas Weaver

I’m a writer and editor who got into professional editing almost by accident years ago when a friend from university needed someone to copyedit his screenplay about giant stompy robots (mecha). Having discovered that I greatly enjoy this kind of work, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use ever since as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom. I'm physically disabled, and for the past several years, I’ve lived with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have six cats. (The preferred term is "Insane Cat Gentleman.") I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
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3 Responses to Fake coffee doesn’t go well with apple pie.

  1. svrtnsse says:

    There’s nothing wrong with hard apple cider. The characters in my WiP are drinking that stuff all the time – usually a little bit more than what’s really good for them.

    Liked by 1 person

    • svrtnsse says:

      😉
      Or, well, now and then, it happens – a few times.

      Liked by 1 person

    • No, nothing at all wrong with hard apple cider. I believe author M. Todd Gallowglas describes Angry Orchard as “shiny.” (That’s the kind I have in my fridge — right next to my clone’s Guinness.) If that is slang for “tasty,” I agree.

      One of the characters from our novels (the ones my twin and I write together) grew up on a farm, and his family had extensive apple orchards, mostly growing the kinds best for cider and such. (Apple “wine” is… interesting.) So I have a slight tendency to want cider, hard or otherwise, when I’m working on one of those stories.

      The apple pie referred to in the title of this post is specifically Dutch apple pie and has nothing to do with Raven. Luckily. (I unexpectedly ran into a reminder of one of the original inspirations for a character in “that novel” today — the same character who has a coffee habit.)

      Like

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