Writing Glitch #22

Today’s glitch:

glitch24

With their magic spells and prayers, they transferred the disease from the child into a crudely made puppet. The puppet was then burnt upon a pyre, completing the ritual.

You need that comma after pyre; without it, you’d be saying that the pyre itself was completing the ritual, which seems highly unlikely. Personification is fine, but only when you actually mean it. 🙂

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About Thomas Weaver

I’m a writer and editor who got into professional editing almost by accident years ago when a friend from university needed someone to copyedit his screenplay about giant stompy robots (mecha). Having discovered that I greatly enjoy this kind of work, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use ever since as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom. I'm physically disabled, and for the past several years, I’ve lived with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have six cats. (The preferred term is "Insane Cat Gentleman.") I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
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2 Responses to Writing Glitch #22

  1. I thought this was going to be about the comma between puppet and (cap) The.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That one is a comma splice, and I’ve mentioned those several times already in these exercises. As you pointed out, “The” is capitalized, so it should be obvious it’s the beginning of a new sentence.

      Liked by 1 person

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