Writing Glitch #53

Today’s glitch:


This example begins in past tense, so I’m keeping that throughout.

Her job was to walk the Earth and seek out other survivors of the old world like herself and hand them over to the boss for a price. A modern-day bounty hunter. The males fetched a higher price than the females. She didn’t know why, and she didn’t know what happened to them once they were handed over. She did this only to stay alive.

If you set aside part of a sentence with dashes, you need a dash on each side, not one dash and one comma. Likewise, if you use commas or parentheses or whatever, they need to match.

The sentence fragment A modern-day bounty hunter jars badly, and not because it is a fragment. I’d recommend getting rid of it or at least replacing the modern-day part.



About Thomas Weaver

I’m a writer and editor who got into professional editing almost by accident years ago when a friend from university needed someone to copyedit his screenplay about giant stompy robots (mecha). Having discovered that I greatly enjoy this kind of work, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use ever since as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom. I'm physically disabled, and for the past several years, I’ve lived with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have six cats. (The preferred term is "Insane Cat Gentleman.") I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
This entry was posted in Writing Glitches and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Don't hold back -- tell me what you really think.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s