Today’s bonus glitch:
Sometimes sentence fragments work. Not this time. In this example, the fragment needs to be combined with the sentence before it.
You wake up in the woods with three others, each of you wearing what you went to bed in. You have no idea how or why you are there. There are four identical boxes with each of your names, and inside each box is a clue as to why you are there.
Unless there’s a real reason not to (for specific and well-considered storytelling purposes), I’d recommend changing others to other people. The sentence beginning with There are is too vague; giving some small description of where the boxes are (Beneath a tree are…) would fix that. I’d also recommend changing the last sentence so there isn’t used quite so often: inside each box is a clue concerning the reason for this strange situation, or something like that.
(I strongly dislike second person narration, by the way. It works all right for writing prompts — that’s what this example originated as — but not for anything longer than a few sentences, because it feels unnatural, invasive, and gimmicky.)