Also still working on GGOMGG

In addition to editing science this month, I’m finishing The Grumpy, Grouchy Old Man’s Guide to Grammar. It’s been sitting at about eighty percent finished for quite a while; at this point, I’m cutting material out, to keep the book short. I have a sequel/companion volume planned, too: This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things, which will be mostly about the fact-checking side of fiction writing. (Remember my micro-rants about some author having a passage in his novel stating that “Earth was the only planet in the galaxy” — full stop, no qualifier — plus some nonsense about a starship traveling at four times the speed of light taking only twelve years to cross the Milky Way, interstellar dust pinging like rain off the hull the whole way? Yeah… There’s gonna be a lot more ranting later.)

Below are a couple of entries from the Homophones page here on my blog, but they’ll give you an idea of what that section in GGOMGG (titled “Give the Devil His ‘Do”) is like.

♦ raise/raze:  You can’t raise something to the ground unless it started out below ground, because raise means to bring up or lift.  They can, however, raze it, meaning to scrape or cut (like a razor does — see?), or to destroy or erase.  Please, stop raising empires, kingdoms, and villages to the ground!  You kids are freaking me out…

♦ yay/yea: The first is an expression of joy or approval: “Yay! I don’t have to go to school today.” The second is an old-fashioned word meaning yes: “Yea, sire, the frog-kisser-for-hire is at the gate again, just as you predicted.” (Yeah, an informal version of yes, is pronounced differently: short a instead of long.)

I don’t know what to use for cover art on GGOMGG. I’d toyed with the idea of a cartoon drawing of a lawn gnome holding a sign on which the sentence “Get off the grass!” is diagrammed… That implies a different sort of book, though, from what I’ve actually written. There will be no diagramming of sentences, especially not imperative sentences lacking their subject nouns/pronouns, in The Grumpy, Grouchy Old Man’s Guide to Grammar. Instead, there will be a lot of explanations of the rules (or guidelines, if you prefer, because grammar ninjas are kinda like pirates that way) of writing, how those rules, work, and when/how to disregard them. All with minimal jargon, ’cause knowing what to call something is less important than knowing what to do with it. D’you know what a gerund is? Do you care? Probably not… but you do know how to use an -ing verb as a noun. That’s what I’m talking about.

(If anyone has a better idea than the lawn gnome, please let me know.)

About Thomas Weaver

For several years, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom (editor). I'm physically disabled, and I currently live with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have eight cats. I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
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1 Response to Also still working on GGOMGG

  1. Your books sound like they’ll be fun to read! I can imagine a very proper British gentleman standing on his lawn, in boxers and a wife beater t-shirt, shaking his fist at the sky, yelling at the kids to stay off his lawn! 🙂 [Feel free to use this as a writing glitch]


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