Writing Glitch #217

Today’s glitch:


Bad commas, a wonky sense of when/how to use neutral pronouns, and a misused colon… But hey, at least the first word of the sentence is capitalized.

A future version of you appears, coughing up blood and missing several fingers and an eye. They point a weapon at the person next to you and yell, “You left us behind to die!”

Some of the problem could have been avoided just by not writing in second person. (While I’m at it, I’m going to change the example to past-tense, too.)

A future version of me appeared, coughing up blood and missing several fingers and an eye. He pointed a weapon at the person next to me and yelled, “You left us behind to die!”

About Thomas Weaver

I’m a writer and editor who got into professional editing almost by accident years ago when a friend from university needed someone to copyedit his screenplay about giant stompy robots (mecha). Having discovered that I greatly enjoy this kind of work, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use ever since as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom. I'm physically disabled, and for the past several years, I’ve lived with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have six cats. (The preferred term is "Insane Cat Gentleman.") I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
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