Writing Glitch #238

Today’s glitch:

glitch260

The first sentence contains a comma splice. So does the second. I replaced the commas with semicolons because the connection between the first and second parts of the uncorrected sentences seems too close for periods. (If, however, you’re semicolon-phobic, go ahead and use periods; they’re at least better than commas.)

There’s also a typo in the first sentence; guilt has an extra s on the front.

The third sentence shouldn’t have any punctuation other than the period at the end.

No one noticed how guilty he felt; they saw only his guilt. No one saw the pain he was in; they saw only the pain he caused. No one realized he hated himself far more than any hated him.

(Self-centered, much? *rolls eyes* Why is he assuming they don’t know, and why is he assuming he knows exactly how much they hate him, to say it’s less than he hates himself? ‘You have no empathy because you don’t think my feelings are the most important thing!’ Well, boo-fucking-hoo.)

Replacing noticed in the first sentence with realized would improve clarity.

Advertisements

About Thomas Weaver

I’m a writer and editor who got into professional editing almost by accident years ago when a friend from university needed someone to copyedit his screenplay about giant stompy robots (mecha). Having discovered that I greatly enjoy this kind of work, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use ever since as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom. I'm physically disabled, and for the past several years, I’ve lived with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have six cats. (The preferred term is "Insane Cat Gentleman.") I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
This entry was posted in Writing Glitches and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Writing Glitch #238

  1. Is this one of those Lytton-Bulwer things? It looks like it.

    Liked by 1 person

Don't hold back -- tell me what you really think.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s