Today’s first glitch:
Dialogue belongs in the same paragraph as its tag.
Use a comma to separate dialogue from its tag.
Whether or not to use a hyphen with an -ing word in a compound adjective may seem tricky. CMS-16 says, “With the exception of proper nouns and compounds formed by an adverb ending in -ly plus an adjective, it is never incorrect to hyphenate adjectival compounds before a noun. When such compounds follow the noun they modify, hyphenation is usually unnecessary[…]” (The Chicago Manual of Style, sixteenth edition, section 7.81) Thus, you’d say They were odd-looking misfits, but not The misfits were odd looking. (Leaving the hyphen out isn’t a big deal, though, so it’s better not to hyphenate in these instances if you’re unsure. “It’s never incorrect” isn’t the same as “Always do this.”)
A large group of odd-looking misfits attends your father’s funeral. One approaches you and says, “Your dad was one of us. Let me tell you about him.”
Some of you may want to ask why I didn’t capitalize dad. Well, let me tell you… Dad is only capitalized when used as a proper name: This is my dad; I call him Dad. (The same rule applies to mom, grandpa, etc., obviously.)