Writing Glitch #305

Today’s glitch:


Change the comma after concerned to a period.

She was growing concerned. The same battered old pickup truck had driven by the place three times now.

Pick-up and pickup are both correct, although the unhyphenated form seems more common now.

I think growing concerned is somewhat bland, and it lacks concrete detail, but that doesn’t make it “bad writing.” If the important thing in this scene is whatever’s going on with the truck, rather than the POV character’s emotional reaction to seeing it, you don’t want to bog the scene down with a lot of description about how this character keeps sneaking glances at the road, dreading the truck’s return, her face twisted in rising panic… You put the details where you want the focus, and keep the rest a bit indistinct.


About Thomas Weaver

I’m a writer and editor who got into professional editing almost by accident years ago when a friend from university needed someone to copyedit his screenplay about giant stompy robots (mecha). Having discovered that I greatly enjoy this kind of work, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use ever since as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom. I'm physically disabled, and for the past several years, I’ve lived with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have six cats. (The preferred term is "Insane Cat Gentleman.") I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
This entry was posted in Writing Glitches and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Don't hold back -- tell me what you really think.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s