Writing Glitch #437

Today’s glitch:

Delete the comma after excitedly or add another one after jars. (The phrase with their fishing nets and jars may or may not be a restrictive clause, which is why the commas — two or none, but not only one — may or may not be needed, depending on what the writer intends.)

I recommend changing towards to toward.

I added a comma after day for clarity. (The sentence is not compound, but the comma keeps the two things the character wished from getting mixed up/blended together.)

He had memories of the five of them running excitedly, with their fishing nets and jars, toward the pond where they knew a bounty of tadpoles awaited them. How he wished they had known just what else was waiting that day, and that he could say the memory was a happy one…

I’ll allow the ellipsis at the end to remain, since it seems to fit with the “little did they know” tone of the second sentence. (Melodrama, much? *shakes head*)

 

 

 

Advertisements

About Thomas Weaver

I’m a writer and editor who got into professional editing almost by accident years ago when a friend from university needed someone to copyedit his screenplay about giant stompy robots (mecha). Having discovered that I greatly enjoy this kind of work, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use ever since as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom. I'm physically disabled, and for the past several years, I’ve lived with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have six cats. (The preferred term is "Insane Cat Gentleman.") I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
This entry was posted in Writing Glitches and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Don't hold back -- tell me what you really think.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s