Writing Glitch #513

Today’s first glitch:

Change the comma after viaduct to a period and capitalize Searchlights (notice the plural to go with the linking verb are). In the last sentence, the antecedent for the pronoun they is unclear; change it to a noun or rewrite the sentence. The preposition beyond doesn’t quite work with curfew and would be better replaced with past.

A couple of teenagers are crouched down, hidden in the shadows of a grimy viaduct. Searchlights are sweeping the streets. The teenagers are out past curfew. 

I think this would work better if rewritten slightly, although it’s more a matter of personal taste than anything else.

A couple of teenagers are crouched down and hidden in the shadows of a grimy viaduct while searchlights sweep the streets. They’re out past curfew.

 

 

About Thomas Weaver

For several years, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom (editor). I'm physically disabled, and I currently live with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have eight cats. I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
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