Writing Glitch #564

Today’s glitch:

The verbs are all over the place in this one.

Since I prefer past-tense narration (present-tense narration usually feels artificial/contrived to me), I’m choosing that.

Change you’ve lost to you lost.

Change discover to discovered.

The phrase written by yourself is awkward (and passive voice, for those who care about such things) and just the slightest bit grammatically incorrect. If you want to emphasize who wrote it, and perhaps that the POV character doesn’t remember writing it, try written in your own hand instead. Otherwise, just written by you works fine.

Oh, yeah — get rid of the unnecessary (but at least with the right number of dots — yay!)ellipsis at the end, and replace it with a period.

You woke up to be told by everyone around you that you lost all your memories in a car crash. Years later, you discovered a journal written in your own hand that tells a different story.

(Some of you may be expecting me to make a joke of some kind about the subject matter of this example: car crash, amnesia, yadda yadda… But I’ve been re-watching the first season of Fringe lately — my twin’s idea, actually — and I’m just not in the mood, so I won’t. *mutters something about summer camp and ‘You’re an evil man, Mr. Goldsman’*)



About Thomas Weaver

For several years, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom (editor). I'm physically disabled, and I currently live with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have six cats. (The preferred term is "Insane Cat Gentleman.") I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
This entry was posted in Writing Glitches and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Don't hold back -- tell me what you really think.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.