Today’s second glitch:
Add a comma after the introductory phrase in the first sentence. I recommend changing the introductory phrase to After you die.
Change class room to classroom.
(Seriously, I want to know how this guy can wear a jacket. Is the jacket made to fit around the wings? How does he get it on and off? Are his wings insubstantial-ish and just emerge as if his clothing wasn’t there, as seems to be common in popular screen fiction such as Supernatural? Why do so many writers apparently not think about this sort of thing when creating winged characters? … Asking for a friend. 🙂 )
I’d change with a tweed jacket and glasses to in a tweed jacket and glasses; otherwise it sounds sort of as if he’s accompanied by them instead of wearing them.
Begin a new paragraph with the dialogue, or at the very least, change that colon to a period. (Dialogue in normal prose should not be introduced with a colon. That’s the correct format only for stage/screen plays, where the character’s name, followed by a colon, comes before what they say.) Or add and says (followed by a comma!) before the dialogue instead (in which case you don’t need to start a new paragraph).
Change earthly to Earthly.
After you die, you wake up in a classroom. A winged man in a tweed jacket and glasses enters the room with a stack of papers and says, “I hope you’ve all had enough Earthly experience to prepare yourselves for the Eternal Destination final exam.”
After you die, you wake up in a classroom. A winged man in a tweed jacket and glasses enters the room with a stack of papers.
“I hope you’ve all had enough Earthly experience to prepare yourselves for the Eternal Destination final exam.”