Writing Glitch 889

Today’s first glitch:

Change the dash after addict to a comma (because there’s no abrupt change of direction in the sentence). If you want a dramatic pause there (for whatever reason), use an ellipsis.

The verbs are all over the place in this paragraph, so I’m changing some of them so they match (and so they make sense: he had been clean for years, but the rest of the paragraph makes it clear that this is no longer true). I’m leaving the sentence fragment beginning with Until intact.

Once he was an addict, but he’d been clean for years. Until his partner and child were taken from him. Now, when night falls, another takes the wheel.

 

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About Thomas Weaver

For several years, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom (editor). I'm physically disabled, and I currently live with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have six cats. (The preferred term is "Insane Cat Gentleman.") I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
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2 Responses to Writing Glitch 889

  1. M. Oniker says:

    Is there more to this blurb? The last sentence doesn’t make sense. Another what? Addict? The protagonist turns into the Hulk? A clean, recovered addict doesn’t really strike me as a Jekyll/Hyde that would turn into another unless they were addicted to something not a recreational drug. Yeah, I’m bored and over thinking things. 😀 Bottom line, this isn’t a blurb that would compel me to read the book, em dash or not.

    Liked by 1 person

    • No, there wasn’t more of the blurb.

      I saw this several months ago on some Facebook group for sci-fi/fantasy writers, and I think the author intended to imply that the character becomes possessed by a ‘vengeance demon’ or something, but I admit I wasn’t paying much attention because the blurb didn’t catch my interest, either.

      Liked by 1 person

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