Writing Glitch 980

Today’s glitch:

Delete the comma after world. If you keep the comma, you’re saying that the bit about points awarded defines utopian world, as in, this is a characteristic of all utopian worlds. Obviously that’s nonsense.

In this context, government-approved is a compound adjective and needs a hyphen.

I recommend changing the second deeds to ones to avoid a bit of clunkiness.

In a utopian world where points are awarded for government-approved deeds and subtracted for bad ones, you are the perfect citizen.

(This sounds to me like a special kind of hell, the ‘gold star next to your name’ thing raised by orders of magnitude.)


About Thomas Weaver

For several years, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom (editor). I'm physically disabled, and I currently live with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have eight cats. I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
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1 Response to Writing Glitch 980

  1. M. Oniker says:

    Utopia: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” I agree with you, sounds more hellish.

    Liked by 1 person

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