Writing Glitch 980

Today’s glitch:

Delete the comma after world. If you keep the comma, you’re saying that the bit about points awarded defines utopian world, as in, this is a characteristic of all utopian worlds. Obviously that’s nonsense.

In this context, government-approved is a compound adjective and needs a hyphen.

I recommend changing the second deeds to ones to avoid a bit of clunkiness.

In a utopian world where points are awarded for government-approved deeds and subtracted for bad ones, you are the perfect citizen.

(This sounds to me like a special kind of hell, the ‘gold star next to your name’ thing raised by orders of magnitude.)

 

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About Thomas Weaver

For several years, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom (editor). I'm physically disabled, and I currently live with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have six cats. (The preferred term is "Insane Cat Gentleman.") I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
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1 Response to Writing Glitch 980

  1. M. Oniker says:

    Utopia: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” I agree with you, sounds more hellish.

    Liked by 1 person

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