Writing Glitch 995

Today’s glitch:

The first sentence of this example is quite a mess despite not having any actual grammar or punctuation errors. (If it’s a foreign planet, the foreign country part is understood, isn’t it?) The second sentence is mostly okay. The third sentence is also awkward without breaking any rules of grammar, punctuation, etc.

Here’s the improved version:

You work on a foreign planet to free the innocent from prison. You find an old woman who says she is innocent but doesn’t want to be freed. You ask her why, then bend down to hear her whisper her reason.

 

 

About Thomas Weaver

For several years, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom (editor). I'm physically disabled, and I currently live with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have six cats. (The preferred term is "Insane Cat Gentleman.") I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
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