Writing Glitch 1011

Today’s glitch:

*looks at beginning of first sentence* Oh, hell, no…! Change the beginning to The first fully sapient AI. (If it isn’t intelligent at all, it isn’t artificial intelligence, is it? AI should be capitalized; if you can’t bring yourself to do that, at least use a period after each letter. Micro-tangent: Why do we say artificial intelligence instead of synthetic intelligence, anyway?)

Change the comma after made to a period.

Add an apostrophe to thats (not a word) to make it that’s (contraction of that is).

Transfer your brain into the cyber space… *facepalm* The cyber space, is it? And they transferred your brain, not just your mind…? Like, they put your brain physically into a computer simulation?

I don’t think I can keep doing this… My brain, which can feel painful emotions and stuff when exposed to Really Bad Writing, hurts too much right now. Anyway, here’s the corrected (and partially rewritten for less awkwardness) version:

The first fully sapient AI has been made. It acts exactly like a human, or at least that’s what the public was told. The reality is that someone took you and put you into a machine to transfer your mind into cyberspace, and now you have a robotic body with full control of everything connected to the internet. What no one expected was for you to remember everything about yourself, including the kidnapping. About a year has passed since then. You’ve made personal touches to your new body and cyber-brain. Besides that, what have you done? Advance modern-day tech? Hunt down the people who did this to you? Become a chef?

 

 

About Thomas Weaver

For several years, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom (editor). I'm physically disabled, and I currently live with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have eight cats. I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
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1 Response to Writing Glitch 1011

  1. Those old *this is your brain on drugs* commercials apply to bad writing.🍳😂

    Liked by 1 person

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