Sometimes, just for the hell of it, he makes fun of spammers.

Yeah, I was bored, and there were all these funny/bizarre spam comments left on my blog…

(Necessary disclaimer, ’cause some people choose to be idjits: No, I’m not making fun of people whose grammar is less than perfect; I don’t do that with any legitimate comments on my blog. I’m making fun of spammers. Spammers, in my opinion, deserve to be mocked/laughed at. So do trolls, by the way. I generally don’t want to repeat someone’s trollish comments just so the rest of us can have a good laugh… but I could do it anyway, so if you feel a trollish moment coming on, you’re better off stepping away from this blog before you type something you’ll regret. Also, keep in mind that the quoted bits are comments left on my blog; I did not go looking for them.)

This is a comment someone left on one of my older blog posts not long ago:

“Normally I do not learn posts on blogs, however I would like to say that this write-up very pressured me to take a look at and do it! Your writing taste has been amazed me. Thank you, very nice post.”

Then there are these comment,s on a very old post about lasers (from my sci-fi themed posts for an April A-Z Challenge):

“There is noticeably a bunch to identify about this. I consider you made various good points in features also.”

“I haven’t checked in here for a while since I thought it was getting boring, but the last few posts are good quality so I guess I’ll add you back to my everyday bloglist. You deserve it my friend”

On a post about fantasymedieval armor:

“I think this is among the most significant info for me. And i’m glad reading your article. But want to remark on some general things, The website style is great, the articles is really great ūüėÄ Good job, cheers”

On “Poetry Meme Fail, plus recollections of a sunny day in mad February“:

“Hi there very nice website!! Guy .. Excellent .. Amazing .. I will bookmark your website and take the feeds also…I am happy to seek out a lot of useful info right here within the put up, we’d like work out extra strategies on this regard, thanks for sharing……”

On “Interviews with my imaginary friends: Hunter” (from a different A-Z Challenge):

“You’ll find it’s a very lovely help that can bring you a lot more visitors and improve your sales. Keep up the quality posts.”

Bad Substitutes for ‘Said’” got a shockingly relevant (accidentally, I’m sure) spam comment:

“Have you ever thought about creating an ebook or guest authoring on other websites? I have a blog based upon the same topics you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information. I know my visitors would enjoy your work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to send me an email.”

(Why, yes, I have thought about creating an ebook on this and related topics. In fact, I’ve done a lot more than just think; I’ve been writing it, The Grumpy, Grouchy Old Man’s Guide to Grammar. ūüôā¬† It’ll be more relevant and less vague than the old Strunk and White book, easier to use than The Chicago Manual of Style, and even more snarky than Eats, Shoots & Leaves. Honestly, I could publish it next month if I had cover art for it… but it’s difficult to find someone who can draw a lawn gnome dressed as a grammar ninja.)

On “Warning: harsh sarcasm ahead“:

“I found your blog site on goodle and check a number of your early posts. Continue to keep up the excellent operate. I simply extra up your RSS feed to my MSN Information Reader. Seeking ahead to reading more from you afterward!…”

For some reason, I’ve gotten a lot of spam comments, many of them hundreds of words long, on one of the pictures for this post. Here are some select snippets:

“His roving eyes keep following them the actual evening, although he never flirts these people. What she will do is increased damaging and longer safe. The point for the parable is don’t stop praying and asking.”

“Tom clancy titles try to result in epic scores but in air combat title however really significantly room for epic scores or time to pay attending.”

“Most individuals are finding in order to much to be able to learn the games you’re considering learning by playing online also. There’s no pressure, it’s relaxing and exciting also and better of all, you can play within your pyjamas and nobody will notice!”

(Read that last bit again and just try not to laugh…)

“Recreation does not cost almost as much as it can also be played with few bugs and lately, the amount can be raised depending on the interest of the golfer. So, why wait? Consider started.”

“Due to try understand all guidelines that govern the game you are play. Maybe, it would also make a difference that a person some knowledge”

(Why would anyone think I’m interested in online gambling? Or card games of any sort? I’ve been so very careful not to use words that could be misinterpretted this way…)

“Some of the disadvantages are as a solo artist is will not have one other guys to fall back on onstage. All eyes are an individual so exact same kind of blend into the mix with the other guys and for the material goes don’t have their brain plus their creativity. Musicals have returned en vogue, take benefit of it! Your most serious musical absolutely need have growing your garden breakout, show stopping, high energy score.”

“Doing so means you are sure that you are generating quality backlinks that can boost your rankings. When Initially when I first submitted most recent article, that sort of experiment.”

“The real Commodus wore a beard; he had not been clean-shaven. He went to gladiator school and became a gladiator, risked his life in the coliseum, and was a hero to the Roman females. Johnny Depp, he most likely will be celebrating modestly. For a once young kid who was obsessed with the pain show Dark Shadows, Depp has aging into particularly sexy guy with an enthusiastic base of higher than usual numbers.”

(Wait — what?)

“With regard to Clark Gable, the most negative responses came from men. These were pretty very similar kinds of comments made against Fred. Most men felt that Gable’s roles in order to fluctuate a lot away from a man by himself. I’m not capable of comment on that, while I truly haven’t seen plenty of Gable tv shows.”

“potatoes contain a good amount of ‘Vitamin C’, when eaten while skin. Other than font type, there are other elements in typography that you aware at.”

“The point of the parable if don’t stop praying and asking. It can be written by a friend, neighbour, relative, accessories. These regarding product include t shirts, greeting cards, posters, mugs, sweatshirts.”

“Live dealer casinos will your family with true casino experience without to be able to leave your house. For example, if equipment has a 90 percent payback, the pay back is 90 cents every single dollar eaten.”

(*pauses from typing to laugh again* Every dollar eaten…)

“With the flight simulator aircraft’s attractive and very real look, it is hard not to try it, even you’re probably planned to do. So, if you are a airplane enthusiast, it is incredibly difficult to stay away from this.”

“Blur motion in gaming achieves very same impact what i mean films. It aids to conceal an dbridge the low frame price points. With no it, anything is statutorily and visually uneven. The technique conquer which usually possess ridiculously high frames per second. There are still misses, but this title is do not require.”

“A film taking place during this of the Roman empire that certainly makes my list is Gladiator. It was the fact they were here as well as the cause has been important. They just thought that their acting was overrated.”

Part of the (unintended) humor in these comments comes from the sheer irrelevancy… Sort of like in The Life of Brian, when some guy says something about ‘Bravado, a touch of derring-do,’ and some other guy replies, “About eleven, sir.” That’s why I included links to the posts the comments were left on.

“This will only happen circumstances titles are catchy. Search the most widely used keywords and incorporate them inside your content. It is far more put out good content, people will start to notice someone.”

“Along with most games with reels this title contains some unique extra cash. The comic book series is infamous for introducing the Wolverine character into the Marvel Globe. And many people are already hooked on that.”

(Don’t talk to me about comic books in the Marvel Universe(s). Not that I have anything against ’em, obviously, but ever since I saw an ‘alternate-universe’ — actually more like ‘pre-revision,’ but whatever — version of one of my favorite fictional people appear as a guest character in one issue of one of the lesser-known titles… *shakes head* What was Claremont thinking?)

“As we speak it is provved by medical science.”

(This comment was left on a picture, remember, rather than on a blog post. The picture is of a character from my twin’s novels… so I cannot help but think, What is proved by medical science? and, Not by any medical science we currently have.)

This post wasn’t quite as much fun to write as the time I created a “poem” out of spam email subject lines, but… *shrug* I occasionally do stuff like this when bored, and I haven’t had anything to do since finishing the copyedits on “Providence” a few days ago.

 

 

 

 

 

About Thomas Weaver

For several years, I’ve been putting my uncanny knack for grammar and punctuation, along with an eclectic mental collection of facts, to good use as a Wielder of the Red Pen of Doom (editor). I'm physically disabled, and I currently live with my smugly good-looking twin Paul, who writes military science fiction and refuses to talk about his military service because he can’t. Sometimes Paul and I collaborate on stories, and sometimes I just edit whatever he writes. It's worked out rather well so far. My list of non-writing-related jobs from the past includes librarian, art model, high school teacher, science lab gofer… Although I have no spouse or offspring to tell you about, I do have six cats. (The preferred term is "Insane Cat Gentleman.") I currently spend my time blogging, reading, editing, and fending off cats who like my desk better than my twin’s.
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1 Response to Sometimes, just for the hell of it, he makes fun of spammers.

  1. I get a lot of similar stuff on old posts. It is always funny. The random posts chosen make it even funnier.

    I had one recently that *really* caught my eye. It was something about ‘grabbing your rss’, and I thought it was ‘ass’ at first. It was in lowercase.

    The bible ones are the worst. I think I’ve blocked all the sources of those incredibly long, incredibly tedious posts.

    Liked by 1 person

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