Writing Glitch #604

Today’s first glitch:

This is how it ought to look:

A new prison system is created in which, instead of being sent to jail, prisoners are sent into specially chosen books.

 

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Writing Glitch #603

Today’s second glitch:

*sigh* ‘Nother comma splice… I don’t know why so many writers think these are correct.

He put his arms in a boxing stance. Who knew the Angel of Death would be such a sore loser?

Notice that Angel of Death is capitalized. Doesn’t have to be, technically, but it is standard.

Also notice that the second sentence, which is a question, now ends in a question mark.

 

 

 

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Writing Glitch #602

Today’s first glitch:

Add a comma before the conjunction and, because this example is a compound sentence.

The power outages had become more frequent, and the fear in the eyes of the citizens meant they knew it wouldn’t be long now.

(A small tirade that came out of my fingertips right when I thought I was ready to post this: There is no style guide saying not to use a comma in a compound sentence, or even that such a comma is merely optional. I  know because I’ve looked, and I continue to look, and I can’t even find a hurriedly written and self-published How to Write the Most Unique Fiction Novel EVER, by Some R. Idjit, that says more than a mealy-mouthed, ‘It’s your book, do whatever you want,’ because even Some R. Idjit doesn’t dare go as far as advising writers not to punctuate correctly.)

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Writing Glitch #601

Today’s glitch:

I have a problem with hurriedly as it’s used in this example. It doesn’t sound right/have quite the right meaning. Replace it with frantically.

Capitalize the second Dad, because it’s being used as a proper name.

Add either a comma or the word and after single.

As you climb into your bed late at night, someone frantically knocks on the bedroom door.

“Dad, let me in! Mom’s coming, and she’s armed! Please, Dad! You promised!”

You are single and without children.

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Writing Glitch #600

Today’s glitch:

It’s a comma splice. Fix it by changing the comma after things to a period and beginning a new sentence with This.

“Pack your things. This place is not your home.”

If you prefer to keep it as one sentence, replace the comma with a semicolon instead, or add a word such as because after the comma: “Pack your things, because this place is not your home.” Sometimes there is more than one right way to fix a bad sentence, and you, as the writer, need to choose which best suits your purpose.

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Writing Glitch #599

Today’s second glitch (because the last one was very small):

Always use a comma before the conjunction in a compound sentence. Add a comma after world.

Get rid of the quotation marks around humans.

I recommend changing that to which, and adding a comma before it.

Delete the s at the end of vampires in the second sentence.

Vampires rule the world, but legends exist of creatures called humans, which come out only during the day. One vampire finds herself falling in love with a human.

Notice the new placement of only. (This does matter. If you leave only where it is in the original version, you’re saying humans come out during the day, but they don’t do anything else at that time.)

The second part of the first sentence sounds awkward to me. I wonder if the writer chose legends exist as a way to avoid the “Bad Writing” of there are legends. (*sigh*) Anyway, I think the first sentence would be better as this: Vampires rule the world, but they have legends of creatures called humans, which come out only during the day. You could instead replace legends exist with there are legends, if you like.

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Writing Glitch #598

Today’s first glitch:

There is no abrupt change of direction in this sentence, so get rid of the dash and replace it with a comma.

“I’m no doctor, but I think he’s dead.”

 

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