Writing Glitch #474

Today’s first glitch:

This is a run-on sentence, lacking even a (misused) comma to separate one complete sentenced from the next. Add a period after right.

“We’ll be all right. We have our looks and perfume.”

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Sometimes, he shares a photo of New Mexico.

A fellow blogger mentioned feeling drawn to New Mexico. I’m sharing this photo for her.

I took this picture myself in August, 2010. I don’t recall the exact location, but it was somewhere on the drive back to Albuquerque from the Valles Caldera.

Of course, not all of New Mexico looks like this. The area where I live (just a few miles from the Texas border) is flat and generally tree-free except where people have deliberately planted them. It’s not a desert (in fact, I really wish the weather in the summer was a bit less humid — it wasn’t like this when I first moved here), but it’s nothing like the alpine meadows and mixed forest you’ll find up in the Sandias, for example. (Portales is near the western edge of the Llano Estacado, one of the flattest places on the whole planet. If you don’t like difference in elevation, hills/mountains, or anything that can block your view of a flat horizon meeting the huge blue sky, this is a good part of New Mexico to be in.)

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Writing Glitch #473

Today’s glitch:

Don’t capitalize world; it’s a common noun, not a proper name.

Don’t capitalize monster, either, for the same reason.

An ellipsis has three dots, not five.

Sometimes the world doesn’t need another hero… Sometimes what it needs is a monster.

You can add a comma after Sometimes, but it isn’t necessary with a single-word introduction.

 

 

 

 

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Writing Glitch #472

Today’s glitch:

Because the words function together as a single adjective before a noun, long-forgotten needs to be hyphenated.

Civilization has ended millennia ago? Um… no. Change that to just civilization ended.

After already mentioning that this character is the last human on Earth, you don’t need to say it again in the very next sentence. Change the second one to and that she’s all alone or something like that.

An ellipsis has three dots, not two (even for the last human on Earth).

I am irrationally pleased that the writer of this example capitalized Earth

Get rid of the comma after see. (Why would anyone put a comma there? *shakes head*)

After a long-forgotten experiment, the last human on Earth awakes from her cryogenic sleep. She soon realizes that civilization ended millennia ago and that she’s all alone, so she commits suicide… only to see that Heaven and Hell are already closed.

 

 

 

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Writing Glitch #471

Today’s glitch:

This one is in first person, so some leeway is needed with the usual rules about complete sentences and whatnot. Nevertheless, the third sentence fragment needs a comma after inside.

Change clay steps to clay stairs to avoid confusion (steps as in walking, versus steps as in, y’know, stairs).

Hyphenate cobalt-blue in this usage (compound adjective).

Three steps up the clay stairs to a cobalt-blue door. A brass knocker, a brass door knob. And inside, the man who stole my bag.

 

 

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Writing Glitch #470

Today’s glitch:

Add a comma after dying (compound sentence).

You can delete the before people if you want.

In a world where only people who commit crimes get sick, you are dying, and you have no idea what you did wrong.

(Sounds to me as if someone in this fictional setting found a way to apply the “logic” of certain religious beliefs to real-life laws and such: “You must have done something very, very bad, or you would not have gotten an illness or physically disability as punishment.” *rolls eyes*)

 

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Writing Glitch #469

Today’s glitch:

I recommend deleting delusional from the first sentence, since the very next sentence suggests that it’s inaccurate.

Add an apostrophe to parents’ in the second sentence to make it the possessive plural form.

When you were a child, you saw your parents killed by a man who claimed he was a time traveler. You thought he was just crazy, but as years pass and you grow older, your best friend starts to look eerily similar to your parents’ killer.

 

 

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